The emotional patterns of first year Teaching Fellows

They say in their first six weeks Teaching Fellows experience the highest highs. They are on top of the world.
They say from mid-October until Christmas Teaching Fellows go from the highest high to the lowest low.

I'm at week 8.

Let me tell it like it is:

The Teaching Fellows did not prepare me for this trial by fire. That said, I'm managing the heat.

In terms of behavior management, I am blessed with very few problems. The worst day in my most challenging class began with tug of war over journals, a student winding up to swing his back pack at a peer, an apparently painful pinch in the back and lots of high pitched shrieking. Luckily, those days are rare.

In the mean time we have had amazing high-level discussions around issues of racism. We read DuBois and Baldwin, listened to and analyzed the song Strange Fruit, and examined the Jena 6 trial. We have argued about the validity of the law. They have debated issues of loyalty and honesty (one scenario: am I loyal to my heroin-addict sister, or do I tell my dad?) . Sometimes they blow me away with their insight.

I am constantly frustrated by the day-to-day at school. The photocopiers upstairs weren't working so they locked us out of the room. Then they took away our access codes so we couldn't use the one working photocopier. It takes forever to get a request for a ream of paper filled. We're asked to come in early for meetings and the meetings get cancelled. We have no ESL services and I have English-Language-Learning 9th graders who are struggling at a 4th grade reading level. I have different people in my classroom observing me all the time. They all claim they want to help me. I have yet to feel helped. We're a science and technology school and all of the overhead projectors are broken and no one knows how to fix them.

Today was a frustrating day. I had an aggravating department meeting that left me feeling more annoyed and unsupported. That said, when I left everything behind and started teaching class, it all went away. Suddenly, memories of beauracracy were replaced by my freshmen and their immature giggles, their need to always be touching each other or talking to someone, the drama in the cafeteria, and the look I sometimes see in their eyes when a topic we're discussing excites them. Today in my 8th period Global History class I just stood there and smiled at them, because I love these kids and all of their craziness. Despite all of the days when I feel like an awful teacher, I am so glad to be doing what I am doing.

My favorite mentor at school is self-appointed. She is a math teacher who wants to teach me the ways of the school. She taught me that there are secret, unlabelled, locked bathrooms on the second floor that are clean and essentially private, because no one knows about them (and I have the key!). She lets me use the fridge in her room and she always makes me laugh. Her most important piece of advice is to have a REALLY GOOD HALLOWEEN COSTUME, because apparently everyone dresses up on Halloween. She's a mother of three and she has decided to go as Britney Spears this year (though she agrees that at my age "dressing trashy might be in bad taste").

So my question for all of you is: WHAT SHOULD I BE FOR HALLOWEEN? I need a school-appropriate costume. The physics teacher was a robot last year and was decked out in a costume he could barely move in and he painted his face silver. Apparently, it's a big deal.

IDEAS?

Ok, I've got to get back to planning for social studies tomorrow.

Love you all,
a