Is anybody else going through a personal crisis right now?
I feel like there’s a chance I’ve been going about my life the wrong way. For so long I’ve been so sure, so SET on how my life was going to play out and what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a director for television. I wanted to entertain people but also love my work. I wanted to finish my major with a bang and feel like I was on a great path.
Suddenly I’m doubting everything. Being at MTV has taught me things about careers in TV, sure – but you know what it’s really taught me? I can’t stand the entertainment industries. I hate the focus on beauty and anything else superficial, I hate the ridiculous special treatment celebrities get, I hate the fact that more people vote for American Idol than for the presidential election, and I hate that we’re watching “Date My Mom” instead of the news. I hate that I’m a part of the problem, and that I not only turn on MTV and watch the same episodes of the Real World that I’ve already seen rather than picking up a book or a newspaper, but also discard the VJ submissions I get here if the people aren't hot enough - despite how good their resumes are.
I know that the fact that I want this to change is a good thing, and I know that television needs people like me… but I wonder if I have the stamina to deal with the superficial people in this business, or even the stamina to fight having to be superficial myself.
There’s so much I know I DON’T want to do. I don’t want to sit at a desk, I don’t want to put another piece of crap on TV that people are watching to avoid the real world, I don’t want to make something that doesn’t make the world a better place, I don't want to allow Hollywood to continue to be so focused on looks. I know abstract things that I want, like making TV better and putting a better focus into the entertainment world, but I’d be lying if I said I knew how to do it.
And then there’s the whole business of getting into this in the first place. Can I make a bigger difference as a producer or a director? Which will make ME happier? Am I supposed to go to film school, where I fill my head with idealistic values and make artsy-fartsy movies about self-discovery only to find myself disillusioned once I enter the business, or do I fight my way into the business doing an entry-level job full of grunt-work for people that I think are making the business dirtier than I already think it is?
I feel frustrated with the images of people and the values that are being spread by Hollywood, but I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t tell if it makes me want to make a career change and run before it’s too late or if it makes me want to get in there and fight it.
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2 comments:
I think you're right when you say that the industry needs more people like yourself. You may be disgusted with TV entertainment right now, but will you become disgusted with yourself if you let it stop you from fulfilling your dreams? You also need to take a step back and realize that not all brainless entertainment is necesarily evil encarnate; sometimes it functions as an absolutely crucial escape for people who have little else to escape to in their lives. Which isn't to say that you shouldn't strive to make it better, to send real messages, and try to change the world. And I think you should choose whichever path leads you to more people who think like you, who really care. I have complete faith that someday, somehow, you could cause change.
Kdubs, theres a lot more in the buisiness than stations like MTV with teen demographics. Granted I've heard Hollywood is really, really shallow, but so far theres nothing shallow at Plum, and even plum needs producers (although to make sitcoms you might have to look elsewhere)
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