Onion Found in the Shape of Fainstein's Hotel

New New London, Connecticut -

A local grocer recently uncovered an interesting artifact while taking his inventory amongst his new crops. After checking all the tomatoes, he proceeded onto the onions. However, what he found was unlike anything he has seen before in his long and illustrious grocery career. "Well," said the grocer, Paul Farkinay, 78, "I was just tending to me onions and then I done found it. This, this thing popped out the spuds in the onions. It looked like a man, a very tired, not very attractive, not hard working man. So I tooks it to the police." Authorities were shocked and amazed at the article that had been handed over to them so simply. What Mr. Farkinay had discovered what not just a rare onion, it was the rarest of all onions every grown in Connecticut. The onion bore an exact resemblance to the soon-to-be-resigned president of Connecticut College, Norman Fainstein. "The onion I saw was actually better looking than Mr. Fainstein, but that's just my opinion, not the bureau's." The onion has been handed over to the Connecticut Museum Office and will soon be placed at the entrance of the Crazy Nut Lady's Museum of Nuts. It will also be placed on display in the Shain Library for a few months during the coming scholastic year.