Hey everyone, just came out alive from the tornado of my brother's (Scott's) wedding. I won't bore you with the details, but it went off wonderfully. The interesting parts of my story don't have quite so much to do with the wedding itself
First off, we went into the city for the bachelors party (my brother and 6 of his best friends) with an arsenal of drinks and drugs, not to mention keys to a penthouse suite on 44th and 5th. The evening began with charming toasting of champagne, but soon degraded into considerably less elegant drinking activities. We miraculously made it to a bar where one of Scott's friends managed to charm the bartender into giving us way too many free rounds of shots. From there was puking, failed attempts at bringing girls back to the hotel room (by the same kid who had just puked), long conversations about the middle east with bodega owners, invitations to very sketchy sounding parties, coke offers, crack purchase attempts, cabbies being hailed just to talk to, general drunken debauchery, and of course, someone somehow ended up in a bathrobe.
The real surprise actually came last night when my friend Morgan, I, and two of Scott’s friends were in Morgan's car driving back from the wedding. We stopped at a deli to grab some sandwiches, and on the way back to the car, one of Scotts friends made an offhanded comment to a car of high school seniors that had just pulled up to the effect of "hey, are those girls with you?"
Aside from some specific words fudged from memory, this is entirely true.
Not really expecting any response we were almost in the car when one of three guys, who we will call Shorty, Fatty, and Bad News, yelled back at my brothers friend, saying, extremely aggressively, "Fuck you piece of shit, I'll fucking kill you." Not wanting to start anything, Scott’s friend replied "hey, forget it man." it wouldn't end up being that easy.
I want to take a second to remind you that we were on our way back from a wedding reception.
Everyone was dressed to the nines and I was in my tuxedo.
Fatty says "look at you fucking faggots, you little pussy bitches all dressed up, get the fuck out of my town" and he pushes my brothers 27 year old friend. At this point we realize that this problem isn't going to solve itself, so we get behind Scotts friend, which prompts them to line up right in front of us. In a line it's me against Shorty, next to Scott’s friend against Fatty, next to Morgan against Bad News. I'm yelling for everyone to chill out, but it isn't doing much good. Fatty keeps pushing Scott’s friend, who keeps his cool, but Bad News is a different story.
Bad News is about 6'3". He's a tall guy, but he's built, a meathead for sure, and often long arms can be deadlier than muscle. To top it of, he's belligerently drunk
He starts pushing Morgan really aggressively until Morg can't take it anymore. Morg finally pushes back, and Bad News slams a right hook into Morgan’s face. Morgan stumbles back into the side of his car, reeling from a hard blow, and starts to go back after Bad News. In the chaos that ensues, a crowd forms, and each side is trying to hold their guy back, but since these idiots are so aggressive, and actually deserve to get their asses kicked, it’s hard to keep the two sides apart. There’s some more frantic grabbing and pushing, but nothing too bad until the owner of the deli comes out. He starts yelling at everyone to stop, which everyone does, except for Bad News, who has taken off his shirt, and is screaming "I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you" at Morgan.
Since people seem to be holding him back, and we all get back into Morgan’s car, the manager goes back inside, assuming it’s over.
A bloody faced Morgan and the rest of us are about to leave when Fatty and Shorty, in a brilliant move, have just let Bad News go, and are making no further attempts to control this drunken maniac. The car door opens, and Bad News starts yelling at Morgan "You lost!!! You lost!!! Say you lost! Say it!!"
Morgan, just sitting in the drivers’ seat replies "Jesus Christ, if I say I lost, will you get the fuck away from me?"
Bad News answers by punching Morgan as hard as he can in the face.
At this point Morgan and I rush out of the car, and by the time I swing around from the passenger's side both Bad News and Shorty are double teaming Morgan. I rip shorty off of Morgan, who is on the ground being assaulted. Shorty turns around and slams me in the face, and before I have time to even realize what’s happened, I feel a crack on the back of my head, presumably from Fatty. I fell the ground.
By the time I got up, I saw a buddy from high school, Wes, run up to Bad News, and push him off of Morgan. Bad News turns to Wes, and throws a punch. Wes dodges it, and gives Bad News a hard right hook, which downs him right away. Wes then jumps on Bad News and starts beating the shit out of him, and it takes about ten people to drag their flailing bodies away from each other. Morg went over to Wes, said something (I’m guessing he thanked him) and we got into the car and got the fuck out of there.
Last time I saw Morg he thought that his nose might be broken, but I talked to him about an hour ago, and he said it’s probably ok. So now I go off to return a tux with bloodstains and a ripped leg, and look forward to a summer in East Hampton that has god knows what in store. We will have internet though, so I can still check out this nifty blog. Hope everyone’s having a good summer. Way profundo on the early eve of your day
First off, we went into the city for the bachelors party (my brother and 6 of his best friends) with an arsenal of drinks and drugs, not to mention keys to a penthouse suite on 44th and 5th. The evening began with charming toasting of champagne, but soon degraded into considerably less elegant drinking activities. We miraculously made it to a bar where one of Scott's friends managed to charm the bartender into giving us way too many free rounds of shots. From there was puking, failed attempts at bringing girls back to the hotel room (by the same kid who had just puked), long conversations about the middle east with bodega owners, invitations to very sketchy sounding parties, coke offers, crack purchase attempts, cabbies being hailed just to talk to, general drunken debauchery, and of course, someone somehow ended up in a bathrobe.
The real surprise actually came last night when my friend Morgan, I, and two of Scott’s friends were in Morgan's car driving back from the wedding. We stopped at a deli to grab some sandwiches, and on the way back to the car, one of Scotts friends made an offhanded comment to a car of high school seniors that had just pulled up to the effect of "hey, are those girls with you?"
Aside from some specific words fudged from memory, this is entirely true.
Not really expecting any response we were almost in the car when one of three guys, who we will call Shorty, Fatty, and Bad News, yelled back at my brothers friend, saying, extremely aggressively, "Fuck you piece of shit, I'll fucking kill you." Not wanting to start anything, Scott’s friend replied "hey, forget it man." it wouldn't end up being that easy.
I want to take a second to remind you that we were on our way back from a wedding reception.
Everyone was dressed to the nines and I was in my tuxedo.
Fatty says "look at you fucking faggots, you little pussy bitches all dressed up, get the fuck out of my town" and he pushes my brothers 27 year old friend. At this point we realize that this problem isn't going to solve itself, so we get behind Scotts friend, which prompts them to line up right in front of us. In a line it's me against Shorty, next to Scott’s friend against Fatty, next to Morgan against Bad News. I'm yelling for everyone to chill out, but it isn't doing much good. Fatty keeps pushing Scott’s friend, who keeps his cool, but Bad News is a different story.
Bad News is about 6'3". He's a tall guy, but he's built, a meathead for sure, and often long arms can be deadlier than muscle. To top it of, he's belligerently drunk
He starts pushing Morgan really aggressively until Morg can't take it anymore. Morg finally pushes back, and Bad News slams a right hook into Morgan’s face. Morgan stumbles back into the side of his car, reeling from a hard blow, and starts to go back after Bad News. In the chaos that ensues, a crowd forms, and each side is trying to hold their guy back, but since these idiots are so aggressive, and actually deserve to get their asses kicked, it’s hard to keep the two sides apart. There’s some more frantic grabbing and pushing, but nothing too bad until the owner of the deli comes out. He starts yelling at everyone to stop, which everyone does, except for Bad News, who has taken off his shirt, and is screaming "I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you" at Morgan.
Since people seem to be holding him back, and we all get back into Morgan’s car, the manager goes back inside, assuming it’s over.
A bloody faced Morgan and the rest of us are about to leave when Fatty and Shorty, in a brilliant move, have just let Bad News go, and are making no further attempts to control this drunken maniac. The car door opens, and Bad News starts yelling at Morgan "You lost!!! You lost!!! Say you lost! Say it!!"
Morgan, just sitting in the drivers’ seat replies "Jesus Christ, if I say I lost, will you get the fuck away from me?"
Bad News answers by punching Morgan as hard as he can in the face.
At this point Morgan and I rush out of the car, and by the time I swing around from the passenger's side both Bad News and Shorty are double teaming Morgan. I rip shorty off of Morgan, who is on the ground being assaulted. Shorty turns around and slams me in the face, and before I have time to even realize what’s happened, I feel a crack on the back of my head, presumably from Fatty. I fell the ground.
By the time I got up, I saw a buddy from high school, Wes, run up to Bad News, and push him off of Morgan. Bad News turns to Wes, and throws a punch. Wes dodges it, and gives Bad News a hard right hook, which downs him right away. Wes then jumps on Bad News and starts beating the shit out of him, and it takes about ten people to drag their flailing bodies away from each other. Morg went over to Wes, said something (I’m guessing he thanked him) and we got into the car and got the fuck out of there.
Last time I saw Morg he thought that his nose might be broken, but I talked to him about an hour ago, and he said it’s probably ok. So now I go off to return a tux with bloodstains and a ripped leg, and look forward to a summer in East Hampton that has god knows what in store. We will have internet though, so I can still check out this nifty blog. Hope everyone’s having a good summer. Way profundo on the early eve of your day
2 comments:
maybe im dumb but who is chester rhuckford?
I hope you didn't get too hurt! Have fun in the hamptons!!
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