I'd heard that some Native American cultures used to send their adolescents into the woods without food or water for three days to become an adult. At the end of these three days the kid was supposed to take some magic mushrooms to complete the transition. Yesterday at around three I took about 2.5 grams of some strain of poisonous mushroom.
I understand now why this tradition held
I understand now why this tradition held
I learned a lot of things, and I won't go into the details of the actual trip, but I would like to share a few thoughts with you all
1. The greatest lesson I learned, one which I can feel slowly fading from me yet is something I will never forget is the value of honesty. People suffer from fear and self loathing as a result of deception or lies that are made to themselves or to others. Emotional pain is a self inflicted wound that can be stopped from not only admitting that there may be things about yourself that make you unhappy, or that you think may bring condescending thoughts from other people, but by acknowledging that it's ok, because there's no truth to you having "shortcomings", its only your own mind that sees them that way. If your mind saw it a different way, which sometimes it does, these aspects of yourself would cease to be shortcomings, which means that there really is on objective truth to your own depression other than a temporary paradigm that you place on yourself. The only thing to fear is fear itself.
2. We are all going to die. We ignore it most of our lives, to the point that the word "death" is more closely associated with a hooded figure than an infinite state of being to which we will all succumb. Death, however, is not something to fear, it is only what makes life interesting. An embracing of the notion of eventual death, and an honesty to oneself that you will die only makes every second you aren’t doing what you honestly want to do a big fat waste of your time.
3. Words are pretty frustrating. They're good for getting people together and getting things organized, but as far as communication goes, it would take a very long time and a very good vocabulary to get across what you’re trying to say. That is what makes it so important not to skitter around an issue, or be (within reasonable limits) worried about the reactions of other people to what you are going to say, because somehow when you speak in honesty, the words can mean so much more.
4. The universe is a fucked up, very weird place we can't even begin to understand. This one was a thought that doesn't have anything to do with honesty (although Truth as a Platonic form came up), and is also one that I really can't grasp that moment of awe that I was in yesterday. It had something to do with creation coming before being, and how indescribably stupefying it is to try to imagine how the universe, or the backdrop for the universe, or the backdrop for that could have possibly come into creation, and don't try to pull that god stuff because it must have been created by something too.
5. As a minor note, you can really tell a lot about someone if you pay attention. The whole body language and word analysis stuff is right on.
Everyone should take mushrooms once. It is an experience which may reveal things to you that you do not normally want to think about, but it is in this process in which by the end you will no longer fear them. For most of you reading this, your eyes will glaze over this part, thinking that "there’s no way in hell I would ever do that, so I'm not even going to think about it". Considering the notion might even make you uncomfortable, but the only reason you would be uncomfortable with it would be that you were being dishonest with yourself in some way. Can you tell yourself that there is any reason besides the fear of taking a "drug" that was sacred in many cultures for its enlightening properties? If you could think of one, would it be something that you had to search for as an excuse? Mushrooms are a roller coaster. You're met with fear and apprehension on the line. When you've actually gone to the point of no return, you will be even more nervous than ever, climbing that hill towards the inevitable drop, but imagine, for a moment, that indescribably feeling at the end, and imagine that this time it wasn't from being hurdled along in a metal cab, but this time it was because it changed your life. I admit that there was a time that I went to a dark place on my trip, a place I was worried embodied me which held a bottomless pit from which I would never escape. What I was most afraid of was coming to the ultimate realization that I was trapped in my own body for the rest of my life, and that this realization would lead to an unimaginable depression. When I stopped lying to myself, however, and actually stared into the pit head on, something happened that I can only describe as breaking through to the other side. My fears shattered around me, and what came next I could never do justice with words on this blog.
I don't think I've ever felt as refreshed as I did after I took that trip. I feel like a new person, having shed my insecurities and embraced some of the more important things in life. No doubt these feelings and revelations will fade like the sound of the bell in The Polar Express, but it was without a doubt one of the most valuable experiences of my life.
1. The greatest lesson I learned, one which I can feel slowly fading from me yet is something I will never forget is the value of honesty. People suffer from fear and self loathing as a result of deception or lies that are made to themselves or to others. Emotional pain is a self inflicted wound that can be stopped from not only admitting that there may be things about yourself that make you unhappy, or that you think may bring condescending thoughts from other people, but by acknowledging that it's ok, because there's no truth to you having "shortcomings", its only your own mind that sees them that way. If your mind saw it a different way, which sometimes it does, these aspects of yourself would cease to be shortcomings, which means that there really is on objective truth to your own depression other than a temporary paradigm that you place on yourself. The only thing to fear is fear itself.
2. We are all going to die. We ignore it most of our lives, to the point that the word "death" is more closely associated with a hooded figure than an infinite state of being to which we will all succumb. Death, however, is not something to fear, it is only what makes life interesting. An embracing of the notion of eventual death, and an honesty to oneself that you will die only makes every second you aren’t doing what you honestly want to do a big fat waste of your time.
3. Words are pretty frustrating. They're good for getting people together and getting things organized, but as far as communication goes, it would take a very long time and a very good vocabulary to get across what you’re trying to say. That is what makes it so important not to skitter around an issue, or be (within reasonable limits) worried about the reactions of other people to what you are going to say, because somehow when you speak in honesty, the words can mean so much more.
4. The universe is a fucked up, very weird place we can't even begin to understand. This one was a thought that doesn't have anything to do with honesty (although Truth as a Platonic form came up), and is also one that I really can't grasp that moment of awe that I was in yesterday. It had something to do with creation coming before being, and how indescribably stupefying it is to try to imagine how the universe, or the backdrop for the universe, or the backdrop for that could have possibly come into creation, and don't try to pull that god stuff because it must have been created by something too.
5. As a minor note, you can really tell a lot about someone if you pay attention. The whole body language and word analysis stuff is right on.
Everyone should take mushrooms once. It is an experience which may reveal things to you that you do not normally want to think about, but it is in this process in which by the end you will no longer fear them. For most of you reading this, your eyes will glaze over this part, thinking that "there’s no way in hell I would ever do that, so I'm not even going to think about it". Considering the notion might even make you uncomfortable, but the only reason you would be uncomfortable with it would be that you were being dishonest with yourself in some way. Can you tell yourself that there is any reason besides the fear of taking a "drug" that was sacred in many cultures for its enlightening properties? If you could think of one, would it be something that you had to search for as an excuse? Mushrooms are a roller coaster. You're met with fear and apprehension on the line. When you've actually gone to the point of no return, you will be even more nervous than ever, climbing that hill towards the inevitable drop, but imagine, for a moment, that indescribably feeling at the end, and imagine that this time it wasn't from being hurdled along in a metal cab, but this time it was because it changed your life. I admit that there was a time that I went to a dark place on my trip, a place I was worried embodied me which held a bottomless pit from which I would never escape. What I was most afraid of was coming to the ultimate realization that I was trapped in my own body for the rest of my life, and that this realization would lead to an unimaginable depression. When I stopped lying to myself, however, and actually stared into the pit head on, something happened that I can only describe as breaking through to the other side. My fears shattered around me, and what came next I could never do justice with words on this blog.
I don't think I've ever felt as refreshed as I did after I took that trip. I feel like a new person, having shed my insecurities and embraced some of the more important things in life. No doubt these feelings and revelations will fade like the sound of the bell in The Polar Express, but it was without a doubt one of the most valuable experiences of my life.
4 comments:
Well, not much of a response for you here, but it sounds like some experience! Really glad that you're happy to go through with it... you want to still be friends though, right?
- Mr. Pants
not to miss your argument completely, but i never pass up a philosophical debate =). the ontological argument claims that god created the universe and he is omnipotent and therefore a self-created being - nothing could be more powerful than god, therefore nothing could create god (not that i necessarily buy this argument, but it's out there). also, in terms of the whole drug use things - im not afraid of what i'd learn about myself from taking drugs, i just don't like the way they make me feel and the loss of control that ensues, so i can guarantee you i'd never take shrooms. anyways, hope you're having a good week! talk to you soon...
Oh, so much to say, and no good words to say them in. So what I will say is this: Wow. And. Perhaps it is harder and yet just as fulfilling to come to complete honesty with yourself without the use of drugs, not that I think it is necessarily wrong to use them. And. I can come to terms with my flaws and accept them, but that doesn't mean I won't spend every day trying to become a better person. And. Being overconfident can lead to a lot of miscommunication. And. There are no right answers, no overwhelming solution, no one way to live.
First off, the last thing I want this to come across is to be confrontational. I'm really trying to share something beautiful, not shove some drug down peoples throats
but...
What have you got to lose?
Theres a difference between comprehension and understanding. Einstien once said that there were five people alive who understood relativity. You can read what I've said and think "oh that crackhead", or "hmm, thats interesting", but either way it was experienceing and inwardly embracing these arrows of truth that made them so poignent. I'm not saying that I dove into enlightenment, but I've dipped my toes in, and it was awe inspiring. This is not meant to be a cocky statement, nor do I really know if anything I experienced was even remotly similar to what many eastern religions consiter "enlightnement", but it was the first experience in my life that I could say touched upon it.
I guess my description of the experience dispropotionatly described personal discovory. It wasn't quite that, it was something more all encompasing than that, which (as much as it seems like a cop out, but is the truth) cannot be described. It wasn't so much coming to terms with personal flaws as it is putting them in perspective in a way that I've never thought of before.
There is nothing easier about the mushroom experience. It is much harder to face what taking them has to teach you than not to, but as with all things in life, you get out what you put in. The result was worth it.
The bottom line is that what I would love to share with you all isn't some sort of self help clinic, or a pill to total understanding, but it is something truly wonderful that I think is unnessescaraly denied as a possibility by so many people because of socially constructed implications. It's not such a scary thing, and it should be understood before judgements are made. You only live once, right?
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